fuckoffasshole's game Reviews on Newgrounds

[Arcane Maiden]

Flash is dead they said. But how can flash be dead, if Arcana Maiden exist? Good job, mofo, to say that I'm impressed. I use old school flash player, as I have a 2 computers, one with xp, and one with modern windows, so I'm the old schoolest of them all. Eat shit steve jobs, and rot in pieces, you hack!

One thing - it should be more prominently highlighted which skills I have at which level - different colors would probably help

There also seems to be a problem with saving game

MidNightMaren responds:

You should try and play it on Ruffle also to compare it with the Flash version. Ruffle actually emulates this game really well and it runs slippery smooth!

Saving on Flash uses cookies from the browser. So if those are clean your saves are gone. Althought I tryed and it seemed to work just fine for me, I'll make a few extra tests on other browsers as well to make sure.

Thank you for playing

[Jaded Slasher]

Hey that's some fucking good music. I mean, really fucking good music. Nice to see that you can actually release a good game instead of these trivia quizes.

Please upload the music from the menu. Thanks in advance

applessmillion responds:

Uploaded! You can find the music here: https://www.newgrounds.com/audio/listen/1007796
Thanks for the review!

[Tankmas ADVENTure 2020]

God I hate christmas :)
This year, I will work during christmas, because fuck christmas
I will also work during new years eve, because fuck new years eve as well

Good job, though
It seems like with every year, the series improves and surprisingly, lags less
It flows better, the art is better, the music is better, and it's also implemented better.
Usually it's the other way, so I will say the same thing that my manager told me after I did a huge workload - good job - and then leave without a handshake.

Ave satan

GeoKureli responds:

good review

*shakes hand*

[Crystal Charge]

"Are you single"
G-g-g-guys you make me blush. You're not the first dandy to ask me that, though

albeit walkthrough would be fine I guess, stuck at level 13

Jordio94 responds:

Ah well, it can't hurt to ask. And here's a walkthrough if you still need it: https://vimeo.com/570599400

[TEXT 'N' DRIVE]

Game with a serious and intelligent message? Also, not crashing my computer and working perfectly? What the hell man? What happened to you?

In regards to the game - it's always the fault of the women. Why that stupid biatch was texting him for fuck sake? Fucking women logic "I hate you typing while driving, so I'll text you about it while you drive"

plufmot responds:

Bahaha never thought I'd see the day where you give me a 5/5
Also who said the person on the phone was a woman?

[Magirune]

I liked it. Medal for Finishing the game (#2) doesn't work for me for some reason. Maybe there is a conflict with the 0 deaths medal? I though that hardcore medal also doesn't work until I've reloaded the browser. But I wonder if you can make the game resend the medals by clicking the endings in the settings

FluffyLotus responds:

I updated the text of the medal. You are correct, it needs one death. The image at the end is also different. Right now it sends everything when the game loads. I'll look into that.

[Farting Strawberry Clock]

The motherfucking saga continues
All hail to those believin in the real gangsta shit
Cause when it comes to the real niggas
It makes the shit that much harder to deal with
Yeah! Above the Law up in this motherfucker
"Black Mafia" for life
Down with the real niggas for life! Ha ha
Yo Sweet Talk, tell 'em what the fuck we here for!
Well alright y'all, USC, Compton, Watts
The Woods! All across the motherfuckin USA
Ye though I walk through the the valley of real niggas
I should fear no man or motherfuckin Klan, hear me one
Cause I been to the mountaintops y'all
And I done seen through the eyes of a real nigga
(Yo, what you think about the real niggas 187?)
Yo, they make some of the coldest shit I done never heard!
Yo, for me Km.G I must give it up
To the Ruthless motherfuckin gangsters
Fear no mob!
Because you're scared mon you're scared!
Dem de pussy runnin at y'all scared mon
Bend dem silly bumba claat barber 'til de pussy claat run
BO! BO! BO! BO! BO! Keep Baby-lon on the run, seen!
The real niggas is back, cause there's too many bullshit records out
Niggas fiendin for what we put out
But you don't have to wait no longer
Because the new album is out and the shit is much stronger
So many groups made three albums or more
And that weak-ass shit is still sittin in the record store
They wonder why it never sold
Niggas rappin since the 70's and still never went gold
Our first record sold two million copies
That's because you other motherfuckers are sloppy
You came out street and crossed over
And after that your career is fuckin over
Because of that you're not around
So shut the fuck up and witness the sound of some real niggas
Yeah motherfuckers!
Keepin all you busters on the run in '91
Kick that shit Ren
Most niggas can't understand
And never will if they ain't part of the Ruthless mafia clan
Niggas is dedicated to the streets
With hype fuckin lyrics and the dope-ass beats
The songs will never come soft, because I come off
So don't get in my way cause motherfucker you'll get cut off
And it's somethin you can move your lips to
To wrap around my dick and suck if it fits you
And let me now if you wanna ride
The D-I-C-K, all day that's with no play
Cause ain't no rap group out that I know
That make me wanna listen to the radio
All I hear is motherfuckers tryin to make a comeback
With lovesongs, and that shit is whack
And that's why your ass ain't around
Cause you don't have the motherfuckin sound
Of a real nigga (Yeah motherfuckers!)

Little-Radiodemon responds:

Nice one!

[In the Time of Pandemia]

Good game, keep fighting with a flu lol
Sometimes I feel like people want that virus to be lethal, so they can tell the grandchildren "I was there during the covid times"

Game is thought provoking, and not as obvious as I thought at first

kikill responds:

Thanks f.o.a.! Glad to be back on NG. :)

[Decryption: A Free Online MMO]

It was just another sorry day. You know, like one of these days that you don't want to happen, but they happen anyway, no matter how much you beg.

"Do you want to play the game?" He asked

"I do not want to play the game" I replied.

"I'm not in the mood" I added suddenly, like if I automatically expected (and of course, for the lack of better words, assumed as well) that he would insist on me playing the game.

But before anything was said or done, I clicked play button anyway. Maybe it's just a reflex of mine. I succumbed as if to not further delay the inevitable. It's just that I didn't want to be seen as a weak person and a dumbass. The kind of who has nothing better to do than playing games. I had life, it's just that it was unfulfilling, and full of disappointment, bitterness and resentment.

There was something meek in this game. Like it was a showcase of some sort of long-time running depression. I really appreciated it, it really spoke to me. Maybe subconsciously more than consciously, but it felt good. Like never before. This felt like being at home and I felt cautious, as if I knew that the game would probably want to go in the cliche directions, mocking or making fun of my emotions. But there was no smugness, no tongue-in-cheek, just plain whiteness and the darkness lying underneath, no matter how terrible and cliche it sounds.

But still, you could glance at the game and you could feel that it was genuine.

It wasn't forced, it wasn't funny, it was sad. Like my life.

I clicked and waited.

And here I was. Drifting in the bleak whiteness of the Appalachian Mountains.

The slowness, the slowness of the process was infuriating. I won't lie, patience is not one of my virtues. Still, the inherent sadness, and calmness of the game slightly overwhelmed my senses, and at some point I just stopped playing. I was me, and this was game.

The numbers, the letters. They represented something that made sense for programmers, but not for me. It didn't make any sense for me. But what made sense for me was the notion of drifting and drifting away from reality. And the pleasant coldness that came with it that entered my heart. Like a dagger or a blade, and I didn't want to defend myself. Quite the opposite, I felt like pushing it further through and hoping that it will be enough to kill all of the monsters that dwelled within me and fed upon my fears.

The character moved like a ghost, like he was already dead. That hit the home much closer than I really wanted it to hit. But it hit nonetheless. But at the same time, it was all soothing. The numbness, the complete lack of anything comprehensible. Just anything. But at the same time, nothing at all.

It's like he was dead, while being alive at the same time.

I took the sword and the snake spoke "Do you need a buddy?"

I told to myself "No, I don't need anyone.", and made one of the most obnoxious "pmphhh" on that side of the continent.

I wasn't there. At least I didn't feel like I was there physically. Not in the slightest.

And he kept on drifting and drifting slowly. Like he didn't care.

"Just people acting weird I guess".

Hell yeah, I picked up the bone, and opened the doors. The vastness of the place overwhelmed and it felt too much. Too encompassing and too big. My sanity couldn't handle that much space in my brain. I had to inhabit it with something that would help making the longing less bitter and painful. The rush of thoughts was too quick, too fast to make any sense of anything. I needed to be calm again.

"It always comes back to the beginning".

"As if I did something wrong"/

I didn't need to collect these items, though. I just did by default. What I really need to do was to pass the black wall.

But I kept on drifting. And drifting, even further away.

He comes down. It always goes down. And he does it so slowly and meticulously with care, like with every step he wanted to punish me for all of the mistakes that I did.

"Idk man"

I couldn't do it any other way. She didn't care, and for me, she was my life. Why did it happen? I'll die not knowing the truth.

There is this ugly word called "despair". I abhor it. There is no sense of dignity, no honor, no glory in being tough. It's just that it hurts less when all of it just slips away, instead of hurting you directly, as opposed to you suffering the pain of losing your opportunity. Now when I look back, I don't know why I used the word "despair". How random. Am I still myself?

"Let's go" said Vinnie the Gaule and I listened.

And here he is. Here is that asshole again. God I hate him. Talking behind my back, painting me as some sort of awful person. It's like he is obsessed with making my life as miserable as possible. I'm not horrible. I just want to stay away. But why he is so obsessed in badmouthing me so much? I never cared for him, and yet, he does everything he can to mark his presence in my life.

The heart. The star. How symbolic, I said to myself. How corny, I added few seconds later. But being a smartass didn't help not one little bit, not one little inch, how everything was slowly drifting away. It just kept on drifting and dritfting away.

"I didn't see him in 936 days"

Something to that extent entered my consciousness. And I started wondering.

"Was that really that long?"

I don't think so.

And here I go, almost like a lunatic, drifting and drifting away. It all feels some corny. Bittersweet. All these people I loved, all these moments that were worth living for.

"Birthday"

Fuck that. Let's just skip it altogether. I don't want to think about it, let alone discuss that.

Let's keep on drifting and drifting away. It feels good. God knows how good it feels.

And then the angel appeared. She came down to me and she whispered to my ears:

"You cannot hold on to your resentment forever. You have to move on"

At first, I wanted to redact that sentence, so you would have to guess and create conspiracy theories as to what the angel told me. But after a second thought (and a big bottle of vodka) I decided "what the hell, you only live once lol". So here you have it.

In regards to religion. I do not care if God exists. That is not the point of the faith. If one believes in God, it's because each one of us have a sense of justice and hope. Those who believe in God do so, because they want to believe that no matter what you do, the karma will hit you correctly. If you don't believe in anything, then you can very well believe that this world deserves to die. No matter what happened in my life, I've never wanted to lose that little single thing that made me feel human, because everything else was reminding me of how much of an automatic monkey I am, and how much I respond the way I was programmed to.

But the zoo wasn't open until thursday, and I had a key in my hand that would let all of the elephants roam.

"Warriors come out and play-eee-ayyyyy"

(review in progress - or is it?)

ninjamuffin99 responds:

this is a good ass review btw

[VALOR: The Lord and Savior]

Passwords don't work. Then again, your brain also doesn't. Not to mention that the color scheme is dumb (why red orange pink purple instead of yellow green blue white?).

Your games are awful and I wish you stopped making games. You are one of the worst creators on NG period

Newshield responds:

Everything I think about your Mom buddy. You're the reason abortion is a MUST.